Christmas Gift #4 You don’t have to be a people pleaser.

“If you spend your life pleasing others, you spend your life.” ~Cheryl Richardson

Looking back on my life, I came to realize that I spent quite a high amount of my precious time trying. Trying to be perfect. Trying to be appreciated and liked by everyone else around me. Trying to fit in with different groups of people so that I could feel accepted and approved.

I can recall many situations in my life when I did things I didn’t really want to do to comfort or please others. I wanted people to like me. I expected them to give me the things I wasn’t giving myself: love, care, and attention.

People-pleasing is an unhealthy behavior, a clear sign of low self-esteem. It is disempowering, inauthentic, and extremely time- and energy-consuming.

Here are a few things I learned about myself and people pleasing.

Allow me to be me.

Be honest about what you like or dislike. Be real. Pretending and faking who you are and what you want will only work against you.

Be your own kind of beauty. Stay true to your feelings, opinions, thoughts, and emotions.

“Authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think we’re supposed to be and embracing who we are.” ~ Brene Brown

Detach from another person’s opinion of me.

Seeking validation from others turns us into their prisoners. We can’t control what other people feel or think, but we oversee our own actions, feelings, and thoughts.

I do the best I know and the best I can every day. I love and approve of myself as I am.

 “When I seek your approval, I don’t approve of the me that’s seeking the approval.” ~ Byron Katie 

Set healthy boundaries with the outer world.

One of the most challenging things I had to learn was how to say no to things I didn’t really want to do, without feeling selfish, guilty, or overly worried that I might hurt or upset someone else.

I decided to speak up for myself and see what happened. Surprisingly, everything was just fine when I started telling people what I needed. It turns out we teach people how to treat us by deciding what we will and won’t accept.

 “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” ~ Eleanor Roosevelt

Become my own best friend. 

For my happiness, I’m in charge. I stopped expecting others to make me happy and to fulfill my needs and desires.

I’ve made myself a priority in my own life. I engage in activities that bring me joy. I do more things for my heart and soul. This way, I create happiness from the inside out instead of chasing it through other people.

“You can never feel lonely when you like the person you’re alone with” – Wayne Dyer

1] https://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-practices-helped-me-stop-being-a-people-pleaser/#utm_source=LinkedIn&utm_medium=Swap&utm_cam

    Until next time, remember,

• You are not alone.

• You are not your circumstances.

• You have everything within you to live a purpose-filled life.