This morning I as sat down to write I thought, “I’ve got nothing!” Lately, I seem to spend most of my creative energy fighting negative images and messages that crowd the 24/7 communications cycle. I was too exhausted to put on my positive attitude. Halfheartedly I visited one of my favorite inspirational sites. The following testimony reminded me of the power and provision of grace in my life and that sometimes similarity provides comfort. It read.
“In the last four years I have been let go, promoted and even quit jobs. I found myself to be in a constant search for “my fit,” “my people” and “my place.” I have adapted my cover letter so many times that I am not even sure which skills I am great at and which ones need work. I have interviewed by phone, email and in person. I have been the perfect chameleon with one part charisma, one part authenticity and two parts baloney. You want me to be more administrative, sure. You want me to be more creative, sure. You want me to be more adaptable, sure.
I should have seen this ending coming from a mile away. What was I thinking? How far did I expect to go trying to be all things to all people? I would quickly lose myself in every job. I would give away my best parts in return for the title, status, stability, and acknowledgment. And as to be expected, I was disappointed by each organization. They (of course) seemed to be incapable of fulfilling my insatiable need of belonging.
I was extremely co-dependent in a false reality. No job can give me a sense of belonging. No organization can fulfill my need for acknowledgment.
My hope, my essence, and my future are found in God and God alone.
He has been near me all along, patiently waiting for me to take a risk on the gifts and talents He gave me. He has been whispering to me during every job interview, “My daughter, people are waiting for you beyond these walls.”
It took a final fall for me to say out loud, “I have nothing left to lose…so I guess I could give MY DREAM a try.” I know it sounds crazy that my dream was my last resort, but that’s the sad truth. I wouldn’t have done it on my own. I needed to feel defeated to get creative about my future. I needed to feel disappointed by a system to acknowledge that I was placing blame and responsibility on the wrong person or thing. It was me that kept trying to fit myself in a box, in a title, in a cubicle and in a meeting where I didn’t belong. Especially as a female, I have found so much safety in the supporting role. I have never gambled on my talents, my reputation, my name…until NOW.”
 http://www.fruitfulblog.org/to-me-god-has-always-been-faithful/Until next time, remember,
You are not alone.
You are not your circumstances.
You have everything within you to live a purpose-filled life.